“Be faithful to whatever task it is God may place in front of you. For if your life has ever seemed like a rocky voyage, you’ve probably figured out that in the end, it’s all pure grace anyway.”
I found the above quote a couple weeks ago while doing some ancestry research. I was looking at a blog post written by a preacher who was writing about the ship the Speedwell, which my dad’s dad’s side had come to America on on its 1835 voyage. Maybe. When I read that, I had one of those “this is speaking to me” moments. I’ve always felt I’ve just been floundering around with my life ever since I graduated back in 1989. I’ve made a ton of mistakes with my life - with every major decision one comes upon - and have found myself here, now, surrounded by cats and an ADHD/Asperger’s, slightly mentally disabled son; married to a narcissist which has just been a rocky road beyond what you can imagine, and his druggy nephew has been living in our yard in a camper the last five years, which has just adds to the myriad problems of my life. Add to that I lost my mom two and a half years ago and my dad is 83… I often feel alone in the world surrounded by all this all the time. I try to remain upbeat and keep a sense of humor, and I firmly believe that the past is the past and all one can do now is to move forward from where one is, having learned from all the mistakes. I do okay, but sometimes it can all feel a bit much. So when I saw this quote, I felt it. This was meant for me to see. My life has definitely seemed like a rocky voyage. And this got me thinking —— are we being looked after by the universe?? Is this proof that God is indeed watching over us, knows our situation, and is giving us life advice?? This isn’t the first time this has happened. Very occasionally I’ll feel I’ve had a sign from the universe, or maybe mom is letting me know she’s here, or… It also brings to mind the saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will come.” I can see how this has worked in my life, too, by obsessions or sudden strange interests out of the blue, like how for some reason I’m all about Crispin Glover at the moment, seeking out movies and watching interviews on youtube. It happened from one mere tweet a couple weeks ago. Someone mentioned the movie “Willard;” and I commented, and it was all go from there. I don’t know why, but I’m sure there must be a reason. This stuff doesn’t happen for nothing. I’ve got several various teachers. Thoreau, Emily Dickinson, Walt Whitman, Robert Smith, Jonsi Birgisson, etc. You learn from what you like. They’re your influences. I feel myself being led to books by James Thurber and Jean Shepard. I truly feel this stuff just doesn’t pop up for nothing. Our interests lead us to those who influence us and teach us. But how?? It’s that question again. Is it God?? What are we supposed to learn?? Another thing to be on the lookout for are things that start popping up often. People, songs, words, numbers… There seems to be hidden meaning all around us if we just notice it all. Swirling energies that are divine. That we have to tune in to. Why did I start putting my favorite music and books in the bedroom of our other house a year or so before our fire happened December 2013?? I had no specific reason for doing it. Just wanted to separate my favorite stuff from the rest. And I have a lot of those books and music now because the fire didn’t hit that area of the house so bad. Stuff there was mostly ruined from water damage. Most of my books and music there were okay. I feel there was something strange going on with that that I didn’t realize at the time when a fire happening was something I just hoped would never happen and it probably wouldn’t more than likely so I never gave it much thought or preparation. What are the odds, right?? Finally, this brings me to the glass heart my mom got me for Christmas a Christmas or two before her last. It’s in a soft little black pouch that I keep on my bedside stand. When I get worried about things, the message comes to my mind, especially now that she is gone and I really have no one to go to with my frets anymore. Did she subconsciously know I would need this message when she wasn’t here anymore?? It says, “Let go and let God. He will take care of you.” Something to think about. I’m interested in any comments or thoughts or experiences any of you may have. Please feel free to comment…